Sensational Saturday

Long story short: I had a sensational Saturday! :)

It started to be fantastic just before lunch: After gloriously rising morning sun, we experienced such a massive downpour that first plans to build an arch were drafted. Minutes later the mist cleared, the sky turned blue, the sun started burning. Plans change, they say. ;)

This is my everyday view once I leave my tent... there are worse places to live on earth, right? ;)

I welcomed new guests to the camp; amongst others Julie Ninnis, an Australian lady I had been in touch with via email before. By default I had mentioned that I wouldn't mind her bringing me some Cadbury chocolate to the elephant camp. She took this hint quite seriously.

This must have been some 5kgs of finest Australian chocolate!!!
Big shame that all good things come to an end... ;)

Happiness is the only thing that doubles once you share it, they say. So I started to share my chocolate. First with Mike, then with the other tour guides, the bar staff, the kitchen staff, the office staff... I shared and shared, until there were only... well... maybe 3kgs left. ^^

I secured the few leftovers in my tent and took off for today's Elephant Experience. Nine German guests required my guiding, and they were all quite happy with the information I gave them, I believe. At least they listened pretty well. :)

So this is how you properly scrub an elephant clean. Easy, right?

Afterwards we started the obligatory canoe safari on the Sok river. As the sun was still roasting us, the majority decided half way down to jump into the river and float the rest of the route. So chilling in our life jackets, we enjoyed some good talks while the amazing landscape passed by like in a drive-through-movie. (In case something like that exists...) Would somebody like to join?

This is rather at the beginning - later on I was in the water, too busy for taking pictures. Sorry. ;)

Finally we made it back to the camp, and I even got an applaus from my guests for my today's performance. Well - not hard to be brilliant when pumped up to the skull with (Australian) chocolate. ^^

The good news kept coming: After approximately two months in production we finally released the first part of our new HaHa-movie! No more commercial elephant movie in the evening, but a very personal documentary about our youngest elephant lady. So cute!

Last but not least, as I had shared some more Ozzie chocolate with the second shift bar staff, I read my emails. And guess what I found? My good old friend Jürgen has eventually booked his flights to Thailand! And he will come to see me for my 26th birthday!!! Isn't that terrific?

Real friendship knows no boundaries, they say. And for sure it doesn't care about distances... :)

Once upon a time in Australia... two guys merely of full age fooling around in the sanddunes of Western Australia.

Thanks for being with me throughout all these years, Jay!

So yes, this is what I call a sensational Saturday. How was yours?

Amazing Mondays...

Hey guys!

A lady from Australia I recently had the pleasure to meet sent this over to me to brighten up my Monday. Well, what can I say - after breaking out in tears and almost falling off the bench from laughing, some worried guests came over to ask if I am suffocating or something... Geez, even though I have not witnessed these stories, and none of them happened in Thailand, this is absolutely hilarious, and I just had to share it with you! (Thanks Shareen for sending this over! It's gonna be an amazing week!)

Oh, by the way: Happy birthday, Sirikit! (That's the Thai queen.)

Good. So here we finally go. Some newspaper extracts from Africa.

1. The Cape Times ( Cape Town )

"I have promised to keep his identity confidential,' said Jack Maxim, a spokeswoman for the Sandton Sun Hotel, Johannesburg , "but I can confirm that he is no longer in our employment.

We asked him to clean the lifts and he spent four days on the job. When I asked him why, he replied: 'Well, there are forty of them, two on each floor and sometimes some of them aren't there'. Eventually, we realised that he thought each floor had a different lift, and he'd cleaned the same two twelve times. "We had to let him go. It seemed best all round. I understand he is now working for Escom."

2. The Star ( Johannesburg )

"The situation is absolutely under control," Transport Minister Ephraem Magagula told the Swaziland Parliament in Mbabane . "Our nation's merchant navy is perfectly safe. We just don't know where it is, that's all."

Replying to an MP's question, Minister Magagula admitted that the landlocked country had completely lost track of its only ship, the Swazimar: "We believe it is in a sea somewhere. At one time, we sent a team of men to look for it, but there was a problem with drink and they failed to find it, and so, technically, yes, we've lost it a bit. But I categorically reject all suggestions of incompetence on the part of this government. The Swazimar is a big ship painted in the sort of nice bright colors you can see at night. Mark my words, it will turn up. The right honourable gentleman opposite is a very naughty man, and he will laugh on the other side of his face when my ship comes in."

 

3. The Standard ( Kenya )

"What is all the fuss about?" Weseka Sambu asked a hastily convened news conference at Jomo Kenyatta International Airport . "A technical hitch like this could have happened anywhere in the world. You people are not patriots You just want to cause trouble." Sambu, a spokesman for Kenya Airways, was speaking after the cancellation of a through flight from Kisumu, via Jomo Kenyatta, to Berlin.

"The forty-two passengers had boarded the plane ready for take-off, when the pilot noticed one of the tyres was flat. Kenya Airways did not possess a spare tyre, and unfortunately the airport nitrogen canister was empty. A passenger suggested taking the tyre to a petrol station for inflation, but unluckily the jack had gone missing so we couldn't get the wheel off. Our engineers tried heroically to re-inflate the tyre with a bicycle pump, but had no luck, and the pilot even blew into the valve with his mouth, but he passed out. "When I announced that the flight had to be abandoned, one of the passengers, Mr Mutu, suddenly struck me about the face with a life-jacket whistle and said we were a national disgrace. I told him he was being ridiculous, and that there was to be another flight in a fortnight. And, in the meantime, he would be able to enjoy the scenery around Kisumu, albeit at his own expense."

4. From a Zimbabwean newspaper

While transporting mental patients from Harare to Bulawayo , the bus Driver stopped at a roadside shebeen (beerhall) for a few beers.

When he got back to his vehicle, he found it empty, with the 20 patients nowhere to be seen. Realizing the trouble he was in if the truth were uncovered, he halted his bus at the next bus stop and offered lifts to those in the queue. Letting 20 people board, he then shut the doors and drove straight to the Bulawayo mental hospital, where he hastily handed over his 'charges', warning the nurses that they were particularly excitable. Staff removed the furious passengers; it was three days later that suspicions were roused by the consistency of stories from the 20. As for the real patients: nothing more has been heard of them and they have apparently blended comfortably back into Zimbabwean society.

So how far can you go? – Slimming down for beginners.

Sooner or later every man asks himself the same question, I bet: How far can I go? How much am I worth? How much can I stand? (And sometimes people ask themselves: How fat have I grown? How much do I weight? How long can I stand? But those are other people, of course... *g*)

Today I prefer to sit. After exploring (and obviously extremely extravagating) my limits two days ago, my calf muscles still ache, my little left toe seems damaged beyond repair. I think I will never be the same again. (Nothing to do with my shape, of course. No, I don’t eat too much chocolate. This body is in perfect condition! (It's the hat! ^^))

So how far can I go? Where are my limits? And how do I surpass them best? That depends, of course, on the discipline.

If I had to walk, for example, I could choose to walk off Phuket Island now. From Chalong that would be some mere 50km (that is, if you walk into the right direction, of course. If not, you will have drowned long before you get anywhere near the sarasin bridge… ^^). But 50km? Fifty? Tzzz… That’s a sissies’ choice.

If I had to run, however, I could participate in the Self-Transcendence 3100 Mile Race, the world's longest certified footrace (If you trust Wikipedia, that is. I personally believe Wikipedia is a great and highly trustworthy source). Sounds a bit more challenging at first, but then again, runners only run around in (5.649) laps circling an extended city block in Queens, New York. And they have 52 days to complete the distance! Probably a bit too boring, after all. (Oh, and, according to Wikipedia, in which we all should trust, a lady is the only person who completed every single race on time so far. So I think this is rather for girls.)

I’m not a girl. I’m a man! A real man! So I declined to walk. And declined to run. I decided to jump. Over a rope. A pink rope. That’s intense. Really intense. And only for men. Real men!

I jumped. And jumped. And jumped. And jumped again… It must have been ages! My heart started pumping, my breath accelerated, my muscles tightened… I skipped and skipped and skipped my pink rope. I skipped this bloody pink rope so often, if I would keep writing “and skipped” for every single time I skipped the rope … oh. I'm almost there. ^^

Within 15 minutes I lay flat on my bed, sweat dripping out of every single last pore from my body, my heart beating faster than any Techno beat I have heard to this date, my lungs trying to inhale all the oxygen this atmosphere has to offer – I was entirely depleted.

After the following hour of near-death experience and three bars of chocolate I finally managed to raise an arm. Only a few minutes and two more chocolate bars later the other arm followed, and I could drag me out of my bed to my computer to calculate the immense amount of calories I had burned.

 Maybe I should have simply stayed in bed. The amount of calories I had burned equaled – one chocolate bar… ^^ (Then again, that’s what Wikipedia says. And who the heck trusts an open-source encyclopedia?)

So for the last two days I successfully taxed my brain to find a solution to this massive dilemma. Some people say eating fruit helps. Good call.

My answer is even simpler – today I only sit on my pink rope and just eat chocolate bars. Maybe even only one… ;)

 

Hey - it's my birthday in only 52 days. Have you bought a present yet?

Coco. A French girl in Phuket. And a rainy day at the beachclub.

After returning to Phuket yesterday Mike and I had a pretty great Saturday evening out with three Couchsurfers: Coco (FR), Kim (UK) & Sahra (FR). After meeting up in a bar at Chalong pier, a casual local dinner and some fun rounds of pool we decided to hit the Laguna club and dance the night away…

Coco about to miss just another shot... ;) (She was professional enough to not discourage us with all her skills.)

Today was our day off, which is why we took it very easy. I got out of bed around 1pm, had some "German Gut & Günstig" chocolate cereals for breakfast (oh yeah! Bought at Villamarket, a pretty expensive supermarket, which sells you loads of imported goods that easily cure homesickness *g*) and started to make plans what to do with this marvelous weather. The sun was shining, it was boiling hot outside, and even in Khao Sok the skies were blue. Unfortunately a bit rare these days.

It wasn’t until 3pm, that Coco decided to take half a day off from her job at the All Seasons hotel in Naiharn and head over for some beach action. She arrived perfectly on time, around 4:30pm, when suddenly the sky darkened with grey clouds, only seconds before it started to rain cats and dogs. If you ever survived a proper monsoon rainfall, you know what I'm talking about!

So we sat in my room, discussing whether we should drink apple or orange juice and which chocolate to open first, when we decided to do what (almost) every normal (?) person would do in our situation: We threw on our swimmers, put on sunnies and left for the O2 Beachclub. ^^

Oh yeah! That's the MAN! ^^

Upon arrival we even met a couple of other people there, and as we were wet already, we went straight for a dip in the tropically warm pool, ordered an overpriced mango fruit shake at the pool bar and enjoyed the brilliant views of Koh Loh and the Pha Nga Bay.

If I hadn't told you - would you have detected that it is raining?

We didn’t realize that it stopped raining at some point, as we were busy all afternoon playing pool volleyball, dancing in our chairs to some relaxed lounge music and eating Swiss beef burgers. Life is what you make it, they say…

Bon appetit, Coco! And some local school practicing for a beachvolleyball tournament as lunch entertainment. Great. :)

After returning to my apartment Sascha Baron Cohan aka “The Dictator” made us guffaw for almost 1.5 hours, before Coco jumped on her motorcycle and rode home. I stayed in my apartment, amazed how fantastic “bad weather” Sundays can be when you enjoy some cool company. Thanks, Coco! J

Thumbs up for an excellent day off in Phuket. I think I could handle a couple more of those... ;)

Creative ideas for next time are welcome: How did you spend your most memorable rainy day?

Zum Heulen schön: Ein Kindheitstraum wird wahr.

Ich war acht, als ich zum ersten Mal ins Zeltlager nach Seemoos durfte.

Mit meinem Kumpel Tobi und meinem Bruder Kev ging es mit dem bdkj ab nach Friedrichshafen. Zwei Wochen ohne Eltern, in einem Zelt mit 10 Leuten, der Fußballplatz keine 100m entfernt. Ein Traum.

Im Laufe der Jahre würde ich insgesamt sieben Mal mit dem bdkj auf solch eine Jugendfreizeit fahren. Anfangs nach Seemoos, um die Ecke, später nach Oberginsbach, Südfrankreich und sogar Griechenland. Tobi begleitete mich zu Anfang, Uli stieß später hinzu, Kev war fast immer dabei, bevor er für Griechenland aus Altersgründen ausgemustert wurde. Irgendwo dazwischen, wahrscheinlich in Oberginsbach, keimte in uns der Wunsch auf, ebenfalls einmal in solch einem Zeltlager zu arbeiten. Ich wollte so cool sein wie unser Zeltstar Mäsju, ein 23-jähriger Student. Was könnte es Tolleres geben, als mit Uli und Kev einem Haufen Jugendlicher in einem Zeltcamp beim Pubertieren zu assistieren?

Das war damals. Als wir noch jung waren. Als zwei Wochen mit Fußball, Stadtspiel, Taschengeld rationieren, Kistenklettern, Baseball, Beachvolleyball, Gitarrenklängen und Lagerfeuern vorbeirasten als seien es zwei Stunden. Und damals, als wir regelmäßig als Letzte von unseren Eltern aus dem Camp wieder abgeholt wurden.

Kennt ihr das Gefühl? All die lieben Freunde, die man in den vergangenen zwei Wochen gewonnen hat, mit denen man gegessen, geschlafen, gelacht, getanzt und zuweilen auch geweint hat – sie alle sieht man gehen. Die meisten sieht man nie wieder.

Es ist die Gewissheit, dass es vorbei ist, die einen zum Weinen bringt. Und es ist die Gewissheit, gemeinsam etwas Einmaliges erlebt zu haben, die das Salzwasser zu Freudentränen macht.

Zum Heulen schön.

Die Zeiten ändern sich: Inzwischen sind wir alle zu alt, um mit dem bdkj nach Griechenland zu fahren. Den Gedanken, dies einmal als Betreuer zu tun, haben wir wohl auch alle inzwischen verworfen. Doch für mich ging der Traum vom Arbeiten im Zeltcamp in Erfüllung. Willkommen bei Elephant Hills. ;)

Auf der einen Seite ist das wunderschön.  Auf der anderen Seite zum Heulen. Gäste, die man innerhalb kürzester Zeit lieb gewinnt, verlassen mich ebenso plötzlich, wie sie in mein Leben getreten sind. Sie setzen sich in den Van, winken brav zum Abschied, und fahren fort. Die meisten sieht man nie wieder.

Irgendwie geht das Leben weiter. Man hat ja noch seine Kollegen. Doch leider ist auch hier aktuell ein grausamer Schwund zu verzeichnen: Sascha verließ uns Ende März, kurz darauf flog Barbara nach Hause. Und nun, Anfang Mai, ist auch Stefanie heimgekehrt. Sieht man diese drei wohl jemals wieder?

Zurück bleibe, nach gefühlten sechs Stunden, ich. Darauf wartend, von meinen Eltern abgeholt zu werden. Leider geht auch hier das Leben weiter – heim muss ich inzwischen irgendwann irgendwie alleine kommen.

Was mir bleibt, ist Salzwasser im Auge. Und natürlich die Erinnerung. Einmalig.

Danke dafür, ihr drei!

Sascha, Barbara, ich, Sam & Steffi beim letzten gemeinsamen Abendmahl in Khao Sok...

Pictures from paradise.

Okay. So you might be wondering: What is Chris doing since October in Southern Thailand? Why did he extend his contract and will not come back too soon? What does he like about this place in the middle of the jungle?

The answers are very simple. Here they are.

I feed elephants.

I have private talks with elephants.

I hold hands with elephants. 

I get kissed by elephants.

I see tits. Loads of tits. Stalactits.

I go on boat trips. With my colleagues Barbara & Steffi.

I hang out in National Parks. With Barbara, P'Om & Steffi.

I fasten my seat belt. I advise all of you to do so.

I wear sunscreen. Baz Luhrman advises all of us to do so.

I jump into emerald waters.
At work.

I look cool.

I am cool.

I am romantic, too.

I create a Loy-Kratong-boat. With some help. ;)

I drink fruit shakes.

I receive proposals from the hairdresser. And not only there...

I win "blow-the-balloon-up-until-it-bursts-"contests against my boss Jon.

I perform YMCA. With my German colleagues Barbara, Steffi (hard to see) & Sascha

I push myself into the front of a group picture after our New Year's party in February.

I have photo-shootings with Charlotte. Also known as Miss England 2012. No biggie.

I enjoy seeing temples.

Many temples.

I eat. Always. Sometimes with others (here with P'Kong, Barbara, P'Om, Steffi, me, P'Sakon)...

...sometimes without others.

I try...

...a lot...

...of different stuff.

And I never miss dessert. ;)

                                                                                 As you can see:

I have a great ass. ;)

And I obviously enjoy the moment. And I am looking forward to a fantastic future.


Any further questions?

Ein rätselhafter Urlaub

Hallihallo, meine lieben Leserinnen und Leser,

ich hoffe, es geht euch allen gut? Habt ihr alle Spaß? Und ein wenig Freizeit zum Knobeln dabei?

Gut. Dann mal los. Zu Ehren meines letzten Kurzurlaubes habe ich ein kleines Gedicht verfasst. Das letzte Wort jeder Strophe müsst ihr euch allerdings selbst dazu dichten - die Anzahl an Unterstrichen deutet auf die Anzahl der benötigten Buchstaben hin, die Zahlen in Klammern dahinter stehen für jene Buchstaben, welche ihr aus dem gefundenen Wort herausschreiben müsst, um am Ende den Lösungssatz zu erhalten. Den Lösungssatz dann per Mail an mich, und - zack - erfahrt ihr aus allererster Hand, ob ich noch Single bin oder nicht. ;) Ziemlich einfach, oder? :) (Besonders einfach: 2 Buchstaben habe ich bereits angegeben, und sollte das gesuchte Wort in einer Fremdsprache sein, so ist auch diese notiert. Lieb, nicht wahr? ^^)

Ich wohne im sonnigen Thailand

Dem country der Freud‘ und der Joy.

Im Süden liegt ein kleines Eiland

Man nennt es auch Koh Yao _ _ _. (1+3)

Da. Die süße Insel mit der Thai-Beschriftung ist gesucht.

Am Samstag fuhr eins dieser Boote

Die ihr’m langen Schwanz nach benannt

Zufällig die richtige Route

Mit acht plus zehn Menschen _ _ _ _ _ _ _. (2)

Das war ein anderer Tag. Aber auch im Longtailboot.
(Die Dame an meiner Seite ist in diesem Falle übrigens Miss England 2012.
Mann, war die aber stolz, ein Foto mit mir machen zu dürfen... *g*)

An Bord saß zu meiner Rechten

Wahrscheinlich assumed ihr‘s schon strong

Ich will es auch gar nicht anfechten

Na klar, die Kollegin P‘_ _ _ _. (1)

Oh my buddha! Are you talking about me? - Yes, Ma'am.

Die Sonne schien heiß und schien heftig

Das Wasser, es spritzte an Bord.

Ich grinste und freute mich heftig

Die Ander’n erschienen mir _ _ _ _ _. (engl; 3)

Wie kann man sich denn bitte langweilen, wenn einem Wasser um die Ohren spritzt?
Paps, alter Seemann, verstehst du das?

Nur 40 Minuten vergangen

Erreichten wir bereits das Pier.

Barbara hat uns dort empfangen.

Sie war schon seit frühmorgens _ _ _ _. (2+3+"g")

Sorry, Babs, dass wir dich so lange alleine warten ließen!
Tough life.

Mit Scooter und unser’m Gepäcke

Machten wir uns auf zum Resort.

Es war eine recht kurze Strecke

Im Nu war’n wir drei Hübschen _ _ _ _. (4)

*brumm, brumm* Schuhmacher on tour. Geile Road, oder? :)

Gechillt wurde dann und gebraten

Ha’m wir uns‘re Körper gut gar.

Das ist zwar nicht anzuraten

Doch wir fanden’s _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _. ;) (4+5+6)

Und ein wenig gekickt wurde auch noch.
*bämm*
Wenn der arme Ball wüsste,
wie ich ihn gleich volley in die Luft dreschen werde... *g*

Bei Fruitshakes, Thai food und viel Sonne

Verbrannten die Stunden im Flug.

Nur Caipis sind hier keine Wonne.

Die Wahl uns‘rer Bar war nicht _ _ _ _. (1)

Also an den Shakes und am Futter hatte ich nichts auszusetzen.

Man traf eine Menge Leute

Die alle so faul war‘n wie wir

Der Dave, Gitarrist spielte heute

In ei’m halben Schiff kurz vor’m _ _ _ _. (4)

Standardaussicht von den beach bars. No biggie. ;)

Wir wanderten zwei Kilometer

In Richtung des halben Schiffs.

Nur leider erfuhr’n wir erst später

Der Dave war schon durch mit sei’n _ _ _ _ _. (Gitarristensprache; 2+5)

Keine Live-Band? Dann geh' ich halt schaukeln.

Drum saßen wir da und lauschten

Nem Typen, den niemand gekannt.

Als uns seine Sounds nicht berauschten

Hat Darts Kalorien _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _. (4)

Und nebenher - ein Blick aufs Meer.

Nach Hause ging es dann zu Fuße

Entlange des Ozean.

Wir hatten sehr üppige Muße

Und kamen doch irgendwann _ _ . (1)

Aber immer schön gemütlich, wa? :)

Am nächsten Tag waren die hängen-

den Matten und’s Bett uns’re Freund‘.

Bei Talk und Gitarrenklängen

Ha’m wir uns noch knusprig _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _. (8)

Und? Was macht ihr sonntags so?

Mit Rollern auf Überlandrouten

Erkundeten wir klein Koh Yao

Am End‘ mussten wir uns noch sputen

Das Sonnenlicht sagte schon „_ _ _ _“. (ital.; 2)

Bye, bye, liebes Sonnenlicht. Bye, bye.

Nach Chillen am Had Yao Strande

Und Kursen in Thai-Hand-Batik

Genossen mit Blick aufs Festlande

Wir Pizza – sechs hochfeine _ _ _ _ _. (5)

*mjam* Farang-food at its best. Beste Pizza Thailands! So far.

Genießen ist fast untertrieben

Zumindest was mich anbelangt

Bei Babs ist viel übrig geblieben

Da hab ich dann auch _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ . (3+5)

Und weil's so schön war, gleich nochmal. ;)

So ging sie dann auch zu Bette

Die Barbara fühlt‘ sich nicht fein.

Ich hatte ja noch eine nette

Begleitung zum Stern’schau‘n _ _ _ _ _. ;) (4+5+"d")

Heee - wie soll man denn bei so vielen Palmen noch Sterne sehen?

Um halb elf und ohne Gezeter

Da switchten die Lichter wir aus.

Der Sunrise war acht Stunden später,

Da holt‘ ich die zwei Damen _ _ _ _. (3)

Chris! Das war doch der Sonnenuntergang!

Wirklich? ;) Tja... wer weiß?

Ich sage nur: Wir schliefen in den Koh Yao Beach Bungalows.
Und das Foto entstand an unserem "Hausstrand". Also?

Es ist also Montagmorgen,

Dank pancake und Schoko am Kinn

und sunshine hab‘ ich keine Sorgen.

Ist das nicht ein _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ? (6+9)

Noch Fragen?